Baby William

This was my first pregnancy. I never thought I would be able to have children as my husband and I have been trying for more then 6years. By then we have been together for 16years and he already had kids from previous relationships, so obviously the problem had to be with me. I didn’t know what PCOS was, until I read up on it. Finally in 2015 we got the positive pregnancy results from the doctor and I was over the moon. Everything went well, every appointment was met. I was 36 weeks and went for my appointment, when the doctor noticed that I had protein in my urine sample. They called it Pre-eclampsia and asked that i stay overnight at the hospital so the can monitor me. They had me on the baby heart monitor that whole night giving urine samples every hour. The next morning the other Dr came and told me they had to do the c- section because the protein levels were getting higher, but because I already had breakfast we had to wait till the afternoon. By then I was stressed and worried, my blood pressure spiked and just when we arrived at the labour room I started getting these pains. I told the doctor and she said we had to wait for another doctor. We went in, did the C-section took the baby out and nothing. No sound just silence. The pediatrician tried to revive him but William was gone. He was perfect and looked just like his dad. It’s been 3 years since then and I still feel like a failure. I knew something was wrong, but I let other people who knew better make decisions. I have not been able to get pregnant again even though we started trying. Maybe I am being punished. I am just so tired of pretending to be okay so that other people don’t feel bad. My husband has gotten distant and things just seem to be getting worse. Maybe I am not suppose to be a mom. I don’t know anymore…


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